So it’s been only half a day with my campers at UT and I already feel like I’m doing such a crap job. I mean, I guess it could be worse. It’s kind of weird and lonely living by myself, but I think caring for others makes me forget that fact a bit. It’s sort of stressful because I don’t know where everything is and I have to be the one in charge and guide them where they should be. The people at the camp are okay for the most part; they’re definitely not that I expected and they made me realize an important fact about myself. It made me realize that I choose to be friends with people that I know that I will click with, which is why I didn’t have many friends in elementary school (because everyone else didn’t care about school to the extent that I did–not that I cared that much in elementary). The fact that I can’t talk to these people as easily shows that I was probably not meant to be at a huge place like UT, where a ton of people with different experiences come together and might not have the same work ethic as I do. I guess that’s life, but I realized that the friends I make tend to be similar to me in their study habits and are not the super backstab-y type. I really don’t know how else to describe it.
Anyway, yesterday I was tearing up watching The Entertainer, and it was SO SAD. I thought there were only going to be 16 episodes too, but thank goodness there’s more because the ending in 16 was okay, but way too abrupt. I’m starting to watch the early Running Man episodes because I’m lacking in the variety department, especially since I don’t have a particular group that I like to the point that I’d watch all of their variety shows. Another variety show that I enjoy watching is Hello Counselor, a show where people talk about their problems and the hosts try to help resolve the problem(s). It’s soothing because although I have to constantly move my eyes and read the bottom of the screen (subs), I can feel at least a little bit better about my life, since it’s usually never as extreme as the people who do come on the show. However, these days I haven’t been watching the show as much because of all the work that it takes to read the subtitles, even though I pretty much have to do the same for almost every other Korean show; I guess it may be because one person is giving their entire life story on Hello Counselor, and that takes a lot of words to explain. One good thing about today is that it’s Monday (Running Man comes on Dramafever on Mondays)! Although I have been watching the early episodes, the newer episodes are more relevant and fresh (and Joong-ki’s face pops up once in a while, and that’s nice to see) and the members are more attuned to their characters. After watching quite a few old episodes, I kind of understand why Running Man was almost canceled. It’s not that the members are that much different (in fact, I actually really like Lizzy and Joong-ki), but the games don’t really do much to affect the final punishment (it’s pretty much luck in the end–which is the point, but I didn’t really like that). Now, the games build to the final game, instead of constantly collecting the “running balls” every single episode.
Today, I finally figured out a ton of things to get finally checked off at UT and I feel so so SO relieved because I feel like since I’m one of the few that isn’t already at UT/going to UT in the fall, I don’t have the information I needed to complete all the forms and also the procedures were a bit unclear. I just helped these two girls and I could actually solve it!! I was so happy that I could actually do some code (even though it was rather simple), because basically after the CS AP exam I lost all hope in myself and thought that I really couldn’t code anything. I guess I’m definitely more confident in helping others, even though I still doubt my skills even now. I feel like these students would probably know more than me and would be able to do better. Sigh, why do I have low self-confidence.
On the bright side, I feel lie a lot of things are panning out (especially with the payroll and work identification things that I was worrying about before camp).