Hiatus from drama world and normal life (coding camp pt. 2)

The original title of this post was Mid-camp annoyances, discoveries, and confusing moments and I had about 1300 words typed and 80 percent of the reason why I didn’t ever get to posting it was because I was lazy and the other 20 percent was because the post was actually pretty cringeworthy and I would never have imagined that someone would follow me besides Taremin so I feel like I should be more careful because my cringeworthy identity is sort of revealed to more people than I’d like (partially my fault for being dumb and commenting under this account). I usually have my posts to be mainly casual and unorganized, and that aspect probably won’t change even if I try because I only post on whim (as can be seen by all of the drama recaps I never finished, and all of the ones I never posted) as a way to relieve stress.

Working at two camps, I thought it to be appropriate to continue to talk about them. Initially I complained about camp, even though I didn’t have a right to do so, being one of the youngest and least experienced in computer science (I took a class two years ago and our teacher was on his phone all the time-it wasn’t his fault, kids still did good in the class, but I wasn’t the best at coding). Because of that, I didn’t feel like I could help people, but at the same time, I was getting annoyed by the people around me. However, at the end of that first camp I realized how much I missed everyone. I kept seeing people that reminded me of the people at the camp on campus and it made me excited for a second, but when I realized they weren’t, it left a deeper hole in me. After all the parents came to pick the campers up, it hit me that everyone was leaving me behind and I had to suffer the next week alone. In a way it reminded me of my impending trip to college, where I will basically be leaving everyone I know to leave. But that’s for another day.

This week was not as bad as I thought it would have been, even though I somehow thought waking up at 6am to go running with the campers sounded okay (spoiler: I’m NOT okay). Surprisingly, I was somehow able to help a lot of the girls with their code and the instructor even asked me to write stuff on the board. Even though I’m not in the same group as the other girls who were camp staff last week, I got to room with a girl that I could really talk to about things. My roommate and I are actually pretty similar and could talk about a lot of things. We had a lot of things in common actually and both met two years ago at a camp for children with disabilities, where I vaguely remembered her and our personalities were quite similar. In just two days we talked about the camp for children with disabilities, the Midwest convention, the coding camp last year, Korean shows, problems with not being touchy feely, being indifferent towards guys we like, creepy guys, bad sleeping habits, orchestra life, college life, UT, and a bunch of other stuff that I can’t even remember. It’s so weird that we could connect to such an extent, and as a person who believes in fate and superstitions more than a human probably should, I felt grateful.

I guess some of the most important things I learned from being a part of these camps was to enjoy the presence of others, as I often took the presence of my family for granted. I wanted to cry because during the second week I only had myself to be with. Additionally, even though most people from school would describe me as a person who really goes for it and doesn’t care what people think, I don’t think I really go for it. Honestly, I imagine I’m a character in a drama that’s about to present an important presentation or save the world from a terrible danger. When it comes to people, I wait for people to come meet with me first because I’m scared that they might not like me. This is weird, but when I take pictures with others I feel awkward extending my arms and touching them and I really need to work on that too.

It felt really weird today too because I felt like I wanted to talk to someone, anyone, but there was no one that I could talk to. Even if I made the effort, I felt like they just distanced themselves. All of the people I normally talk to, I feel like they’re busy enjoying their summers in one way or another. I feel, as an extrovert, at a loss because even if I want to contact someone, it’s usually pretty short, or they read the message and never reply. I tried skyping one of my friends and he was going to play league, I tried to talk to my roommate, but she wanted to listen to the conversation with the other girls about mainstream television shows, and I actually did talk with one of the lab assistants and she went to go help someone and later sat down one further away from me. I know it’s probably not anyone’s fault- I wish I would be busy enough that I wouldn’t need someone to talk to. I tried to read other blogs to just lift my tired self, but NONE OF THEM UPDATED. I need new content lol.

This being a blog about Korean dramas, I thought I should at least post about my recent activity in that department. After this week I am actually visiting Korea for a week. Yay!! I’m planning on vlogging and possibly blogging if I feel like it. I’m so excited and I love how we’re not going to have much of a plan because I have been so busy with everything I’ve been trying to do this summer (keyword is “trying”). I have been continuing Running Man and am almost done with some dramas that I need to finish, like Entertainer and Ghost (gonna try to recap those …maybe, still deciding whether I should do Cheese In the Trap after the mess that was). However, because I’m at camp I haven’t had the opportunity to watch a lot and it feels so weird to not be watching regularily and just checking social media on my phone like the other counselors. Some dramas I’m excited for  in the summer are Uncontrollably Fond, starring Suzy and Kim Woo-bin (Taremin’s favorite), W, the Lee Jong-suk drama, Wanted,  and that one drama with Kim So-hyun (one of my personal favorite actresses) and Taecyeon (don’t like him as much), Hey Ghost, Let’s Fight. I can’t wait to go back home for half a day and disappear into drama world because even though some might think it’s unhealthy, to me it is a vicarious escape from the stress of real life.

I tried to make this more organized and I think my thoughts just got lost even more, but hey, at least I have Police Force 38 (the new Sooyoung and Seo In-guk drama that aired this week) to watch in the dorms later.

Lonely-Woman

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